Isis was a tricky one; very sharp in the mind. In Ra's old age, she sought to steal some of his power. As the ancient Ra spoke in his old age, some spittle fell from his mouth to the ground. Quickly, Isis gathered some of the spittle and formed it into a powerful serpent. She knew of Ra's plans to travel through a certain path, and placed the serpent along the path. In Ra's old age and poor sight, he traveled happily. The last thing he thought of was his own descendant, Isis, trying to leach some of his power through a snake derived from his own spit. Eventually he stumbled upon the serpent and it struck him with a powerful bite. He sat there writhing in pain and called out to the gods and goddesses. Many came to his aid, including Isis. She offered her assistance, but required that Ra reveal his secret name of power to her. He tried to get out of it, but he eventually relented because the pain was too strong. After she learned his secret name she became much more powerful as she had planned.
Ra eventually died of his old age and Osiris claimed the throne. Under Osiris rule the people were very happy. He made fair laws, and he treated the people well. You could say things in Egypt were running very smoothly until Set decided he wanted to come screw everything up. Osiris usually had Isis by his side as she was his wife - I'm just going to avoid the fact that they were also brother and sister. Isis was very skilled at thwarting the threats from Set. One day she was not around, and there was a big feast in which Set brought a large chest that caught the eye of everyone at the party. Many people were interested in the chest, and Set proclaimed whoever fit into it best could have it. One by one the people tried getting in it, and eventually it was Osiris' turn to try it. He fit perfectly, and as soon as he got in, Set and his minions trapped him inside and quickly carried him to the Nile river. They sat the chest in the river and assumed they would never see Osiris again.
When Isis returned she was distraught. She couldn't believe what had happened. She eventually tracked down the casket and returned it to Egypt. Set caught wind of this and "set" out in search of the casket and Osiris' body. He found it, and he proceeded to chop Osiris into bits and throw him back into the river.
In the end it turns out that Osiris and Isis had a child - again please just forget that they were brother and sister. Their child, Horus, was trained to defeat Set. He eventually grew up and defeated Set in battle to avenge his father.
**Author's Note**: At first I sought to really change the story up quite a bit, but after writing a few lines I thought I would just write an easier to read summary for those who didn't read this passage this week. The story line is very, very similar to the original. I added a few funny lines and a bit of brevity to some of the topics that went on a bit longer than I had hoped while reading it. I look forward to the comments on this story, and if you have any questions please let me know!
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| Horus and Set in battle - historiabruno blog |
Hey, Brady!
ReplyDeleteI think you did a nice job of retelling this story in a way that's super accessible to your audience. It's easy to get bogged down in technical lingo or overcomplicate things when we teach them, but you did a nice job of making the story engaging and humorous and easy to follow. If you ever edited this story, I'd love to see some dialogue between the characters -- I think it could add some drama to the big plot points!
Brady,
ReplyDeleteWhat an entertaining story! I remember reading someone else's retelling of this, and I'm blown away by how they can have such creative differences. The story was humorous and really refreshing to read. One thing that threw me off at times is your own interjections, which shifts the point of view and kind of interrupts the flow of the story. You really "break the wall" so to speak, and I'm not sure if it has the effect you want. It's better to assume the reader is more educated than not and already has background that royals often commit incest (we've all read Greek mythology, we don't need more explanation). You personally injecting comments pulls the reader out of the amazing world you create in your writing. Also, you don't need to emphasize your pun for the reader to get it (again, the reader is an educated person, too!). You're a super talented writer, a little bit of focusing will really improve the flow of your stories and I can't wait to see what else you'll contribute!
Hello, Brady!
ReplyDeleteLet me start off by saying that you wrote a great story! Your story was similar enough to the original story that I could recall the original story itself without having to look it up. However, I could also tell that you added your own twist to the story! I must say that I really appreciate the image you included for us at the end!
Hey Brady!
ReplyDeleteThe informal tone of the story helped make it easier to digest, but it didn't really help to set the mood for the story. It was hard to feel the revenge and plotting aspect played up when it seemed more focused on humor than storytelling. I enjoyed the story and your presentation of it overall, but maybe some degree of matching the tone to the tale could help in readability.
Hey Brady, I really enjoyed reading this story, as it was a departure from the way most stories are told, especially in a classroom setting. The free-flowing storytelling was really fun to read and gave it exceptional flow, which I really appreciated. I also like the personal twist you put on this traditional story, but still made it familiar and relatable to the original. That's not easy to do, but I think you did it well. Great job!
ReplyDeleteBrady,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your story! I think the storytelling style that you used made the story a lot easier to read, follow, and understand. I enjoyed the use of humor throughout the story to highlight certain aspects of the plot. It didn't seem as serious or dramatic as the subject matter probably was initially, but I feel like it still conveyed the information in a way that was fun to read.
-Kate
Hi Brady!
ReplyDeleteI think the straightforward way you told the story really made it easy to understand! I was pretty familiar with this story already since I did the same reading, but for someone who didn't do this reading I think your story would be just as easy to follow. I think your sense of humor really enhanced the story as well. I think it would be neat to see you use it more in your storytelling!
Brady,
ReplyDeleteThank you for shortening the lengths of these stories and condensing them down into one. I had read the Set and Osiris one, but hadn't read the others you included here. Sometimes more succinct writing can be just as effective and still quite enjoyable. I look to your future stories; summary-like stories are the best for lazy readers like me.
-Lance J.