Thanks so much for sharing this story with us. The first thing that struck me about your story was the uniqueness of the character’s names. All of them were unique, down to the name of the dog. This was really effective! It made me feel as if I was in a different world, and really did a nice job of framing the story as a unique occurrence. Past this, you did a great job of pacing this story. I didn’t find myself drudging through the intro, or hoping the action would go longer, or feeling it had ended too soon. You did a great job of showing the boy’s strength and tying that into all aspects of the story. From the wrestling match, to the death of the dog, it all fit well. All in all, this was a fun story to read. I’m looking forward to what else you’ll write this semester.
I love the effort you've put into your storybook. The images you have on your site are quirky and informative. Just hearing the unique name in the storybook name alone made me think that this won't be just another typical writer. And, your story showed that as well.
I can't think of any major issues or concerns that I have with your story. In regards to constructive feedback, I'd double check the usage of whoever, and see if you should use whomever instead, in the last paragraph. I'm not even entirely sure. Oh, and paragraph splitting is another thing you could tackle too. Personally, it didn't pose an issue to me, as I liked and followed along with the story well, but breaking big paragraphs up can always help. I know your story doesn't have a ton of dialogue, but still, that's something that'd help the reader as they're exploring your story.
Your story was very good! It was creative, and it used a lot of imagery. I am a very competitive person, and I love reading about games in stories. The concept of the hole game was fascinating, and I wonder how the boy was able to keep all those balls out of his hole! That feat alone demonstrated the strength of the boy. I also like how you used foreshadowing to hint that the dog may attack the boy because he is unchained. One note I have for you is within the fourth paragraph. You directly addressed me as the reader by saying, "you may remember," which was an odd storytelling choice. It broke the fourth wall in your story and made me feel dumb as a reader, as if I couldn't make the connection for myself. Also, don't forget your author's note! It really ties the whole story together. I'm excited to read the rest of your stories.
Your storybook seems really well put together so far! I really enjoyed the more "traditional" diction and storytelling style, and I feel like this stylistic choice really suited the content. The story was easy to follow and detailed enough to easily picture. I loved how the background information on the hound came so organically, from Culann boasting to his dinner guests.
I wonder why the young boy decided to follow the path after he had initially turned the offer down. Perhaps you could expand on his point of view and motivations in a bit more detail? Honestly, that’s one of the only things I could think to recommend. I feel like your story was really well written, and I look forward to hearing more of the adventures of Cu Chulainn! I think that the introduction was brilliantly written because it perfectly sets the reader up to wonder what other incredible things that young boy will be capable of as he grows.
Hey Brady, your storybook seems very well-organized, and I can tell you have put some serious effort into the design and layout of the website itself, and I am really excited to get to read more of your work and see how the project develops throughout the rest of the semester. I enjoyed the very mythical and traditional storytelling flow and word choice of what I think reading the Illiad is like. I really loved how you crafted and made the world of the story your own and how you made it very imaginable and real to the reader if they would allow themselves to believe it is real. I also really enjoyed your introduction because it gives the reader a sense of the abilities of the boy, and what kinds of adventures and feats he will be responsible for in the both near and far future. I am also a big fan of the foreshadowing you used to foretell the dog attack by mentioning that he was unchained, which is a great minor detail that I could start using in my own storybook stories to make them more engaging.
I had never heard of Cu Chulainn until I read your introduction today. I like that you took an origin story for him and made that your introduction. I'm assuming the rest of your storybook will be tales from Cu Chulainn's story. I would say that at the beginning I was kind of confused as to whether or not Conchobar was going to be a narrator. It seems like in the intro a lot of the story focuses on him and it wasn't until the end I realized who the story was going to be following. I think you did a great job telling the story of the dog's death without being too gruesome. I also think you did a really good job of demonstrating Cu Chulainn's unbelievable strength which I am sure is going to come back into play in the rest of your story. Overall I think you did a really good job and am interested to learn more about Cu Chulainn's story.
I really like your writing style and found your story intriguing and fun to read. I am curious about how a boy can be so powerful that he can take on 150 other boys and a huge bloodhound! Perhaps this will be explored or explained later on in the story. Maybe you could also explain why Culann invited Conchobar to his feast in the first place and how Conchobar knew the powerful boy's name (did he possibly hear it while the boy was playing with the others or was he already familiar with the kid?). Also, it might be a good idea to add an author's note, just so people can be more familiar with the original story and how you changed it. Like I said, your writing is really enjoyable to read and I think you did a fantastic job with this story. I am excited to see the other stories you come up with!
You've got a super unique vibe to your portfolio -- kind of Conan the Barbarian meets Highlander vibes. It's clear that you've got a really strong understanding of your characters and how they interact with the world that you've set them in.
As a new reader, names of characters can be tough to remember. Dropping into the heat of the action in your story means that there's never a dull moment -- I felt like things were fast-paced the whole way through. That being said, it took me a little bit to comprehend all the different names as they were coming at me. Maybe you could give a little guide to who's who somewhere on your page or provide some info on the different characters on your homepage to prep the reader before they dive in. Tons of books with complex casts do this (e.g. A Song of Ice and Fire) and I find that it really helps me place names with "faces" in the reading.
Hey Brady! The story of Cuchulain is one of my favorite myths from any place in the world, my love of it being one of the primary reasons I went to study abroad in Ireland. I can see here that you definitely have potential to do the story some modern justice. I really enjoyed how you put the story into more digestible language than how most portray it, but I think the tone you use could be solidified more. In the beginning and end, it feels more fairy tale, but the middle paragraphs feel very informal. The phrase "You may remember" felt condescending in the context of the story, since that key detail was only brought up in the paragraph prior. One other recommendation I have would be to include a pronunciation guide to your story's characters and places, since old Gaelic names sound so far from how they read. I'm sure most people wouldn't recognize that Conchobar is the origin of the name "Connor" without one.
This is such an interesting story; I really want to find out more about it. I also liked the way you've got your portfolio set up. I am completely unfamiliar with the story of Cu Chulainn, but this was a good introduction. Your writing style is really good, and you do a great of capturing the reader's attention not only to the story but the to the project.
Your intro was great, but I feel like since you are jumping into the story straight away, you might want to include an Author's Notes section. I would love to know more about the original story, and also learn about the things that you changed from the original. You can also tell your readers what was your inspiration behind the project or you why like the story.
I look forward to reading more of your storybook project!
I must admit, your title really did its job in acting as a hook! I have never heard of Cu Chulainn before, but it sounded interesting. When you paired it with “the relentless rage of”, I just had to click on your Storybook in order to find out more. Based on the background image you have behind the title, I am going to assume that Cu Chulainn is referring to a bull of some sort.
Now that I have read your introduction, let me just say I have realized my previous mistake in assuming that Cu Chulainn was a bull. I am going to be honest here, I did not expect the story to take the turn it did. I cannot help but feel like the child slamming the already brutalized dog against the pillar was a bit of overkill. However, I must admit that you did a good job in describing the scene to the audience.
One thing first before I forget, would you consider changing "internals" into "entrails" in your introduction? I think it would be a better word for describing the dog's guts! Your title is great, the perfect amount of "how is that pronounced" to get the reader interested! The way the introduction dives right into it sets up the rest of your site nicely. One thing (and it might just be a personal quirk), but that is a really big cow you have on your banner image. The story seems pretty epic so far, and having a cow staring at me at the top of every chapter kind of gives me a weird vibe. Your writing style flows very well. The narrative style makes it easy to read and keeps the reader engaged. The layout of your site is fantastic as well. I like the blocking of the text a lot, makes it easy on the eyes. I can tell you put a lot of thought into your project so far, your second chapter is coming along nicely. I will definitely visit back later to see what else you do with this. Great job!
I have never heard of this story, and I liked all the description you gave when you told it. The game of hole was where I got interested as I have never heard of someone taking on a hundred other people at once for a game. This is where I began to notice something was different about this kid. He obviously has different abilities, but where did they come from? How does a small kid have enough power to kill a dog that quickly? Is there a source for all of these magical abilities of Cu Chulainn and the bull? Expanding more on these points could help flesh out these characters. Something I noticed while going through your storybook was that the link in the top right corner to your first story has a long name. I was not able to read the entire title, and I would suggest shortening the name to help with the presentation of your site. Interesting story!
Great job with your second story. I believe this is the only change/addition to your site since the last time I was on it. Reading through it, I had no major issues. What I liked the most was the pacing of it. I like stories that are direct and don’t add a ton of fluff. You’ve done that here with your second story.
A couple things I would recommend taking another look at would be the introduction to Queen Medb and Goddess Morrigan, as well as the transitions from big idea to big idea. When I was first reading it, I went back to your intro to see if there was anything there on Queen Medb. Seeing as she’s the main antagonist, I’m sure the reader would love to hear more about her, her powerful army, etc. For the goddess, if she’s not super important, then don’t worry about that including more on her. Also, making smoother transitions from paragraph to paragraph would help the reader follow along a little better. This could include times, places, more adjectives, etc.
If you can readdress these two areas, I’m sure your story will be even better. Looking forward to the battle portion of this story! Keep up the great work. I hope this helped.
Hey Brady! This is the second time I’ve gotten to look through your stories this semester, and I hope to be able to do so again soon! As for the layout of your storybook website, I think it looks great so far! In particular, I like the header photo. I think it does a really good job of setting the tone for the story below. As for the content, I have to be completely honest and admit that I’m unfamiliar with the original stories you’re basing your project on. I have really limited exposure there, so I don’t think I can make any helpful suggestions in that regard. To go back to layout, I think both stories flow well, and I’m especially interested to see what story you add next. I think it was a great choice to break up the second story into a part one and part two!
This is my second time looking through your project. This time, adhering to week ten goals, I will focus on your design.
Let me just start off by saying that your website has a really good layout. I really like the main background illustration, and having a navigation bar allows users to quickly go between stories. You provide a link to the comment wall in all of your pages. I think it would look more aesthetically pleasing to have the link centered, and make it a button instead of a just a link. I think making a button looks even better than just having hyperlinked text.
As I said, I like the banner illustration that you have. Have you tried experimenting with having different images for each page? I think putting some of the images included in the different pages as the banner for the page instead of having the same image could look a little better. Of course, this is just a matter of style, but maybe you could try and see how it looks. Either way, your website design is fantastic!
Hey howdy Brady! Woah. Right off the bat, your page is so visually enticing. I was drawn in by the banner image immediately, and was excited to get to the first story. So the device of introduction works very well. Then, as I clicked on and read the actual introduction with Culann, I was given a real look at who the main character of the page would be. Culann the smith and his dog were a delightful way to get accustomed with the theme of the page. So when the protagonist ages and the reader is shown another chapter in his life story, the connection with Culann was right there. Just as you must be itching to put the second half of that story on paper, thought you may have already, I can't wait to read it. Especially with the cliffhanger surrounding the armies entrance on the scene. Building the suspense while having the readers wait for the next installment is effective in that now we can be reflecting on our suspicion for what is about to happen. This does a great job of building a personal connection and interest in your stories. Awesome job here
Hi Brady, First of all, I want to say I really like your website design. It is similar to my own, pretty basic but with an interesting picture. One thing you might could do to improve it would be to use more or different pictures on each page. I think it would be cool if you could find more pictures similar in color or art to your original picture. Does your source for the first picture have any other pictures you could use? On your writing. Wow, what a cool story! I love the fantasy elements of it and your main character is very awesome. Your second story is super cool too, and I think you are doing a great job in setting the story up for a battle. Your story is kind of grim, perhaps this could be inspiration for finding more images? I do like the one you included in the second story, but what if you found a picture that hinted at what was to come in each segment, and made it the head picture? I think that would be cool, but I understand if you can't find anything like that. Good job!
Hey Brady! One thing that I found really striking about your story is that you give enough background that the reader doesn't feel confused, but so little that it implies the reader already knows what and where Ulster is! That's a really impressive balance. My first impression was that this could be a common story told to children by grandparents - it starts out really sweet but gets gnarly fast. I want to know more about this kid! How did he get so strong? Why is he so violent? I think it would be helpful in the second story to have something other than the author's note to indicate that the story is only halfway done. A simple "to be continued..." would do the trick! Or maybe a sneaky hint at the contents of the next story, like, "the battle would soon take a shocking turn" or something to that effect. Great work on this one!
I really enjoyed reading your story. Your website was well organized and easy to navigate. The pictures really fit in with everything as well and helped set the theme for the rest of it. I loved how you jumped straight in during your introduction by starting your story and showing off your characters. It was very well written and captivated my attention. For your next part, I did wonder what Cu Chulainn thought of Medb. It sounds like they didn't get along from the very beginning. After all, he told her he was going to throw a rock at her and then did exactly that. Was he surprised that she sent her soldiers after the bull? Is he prepared to fight everyone by himself or does he have help? I am eager to find out. The only advice I would offer would be to perhaps have more dialog or go into detail a bit more with each of your characters. Other than that, I liked it and I will be back to see what happens next. -Elyse
Hey there Brady! These were such great reads so far in your series of stories. I really do enjoy how you have taken your stories and tied them through this topic that you chose. The titles of each story do a really good job of telling the reader wat it may be about. On top of this, your portfolio is very organized and easy for the reader to navigate. In all of your stories you did a great job at grabbing the reader’s attention and really captivating them throughout the story. You did a really great job with each of the reading notes, since I had never read the stories before, these notes really allowed me to see where you were coming from with your creation of the different stories. I really liked the images that you chose to use for each story, I think each of them almost told a little bit of the story themselves and really had a key part in each story.
It's been a joy to read your storybook thus far this semester. As it comes to a close here soon, I hope to finish reading the rest of your story on your storybook in the next couple weeks!
To start, I enjoyed the graphic details you included. It came naturally from you, and made sense coming from the formidable Cu Chulainn. I love stories that focus more on the battles/duels, and your story delivered.
Thinking about its implications, could Medb and her troops last 100 days, in regards to food and supplies? Is Cu Chulainn the type of warrior to stick to his word of slaying only one person of Medb's army a day? These are just a couple things that came to my mind. I'm sure it being a myth can account for these things, but I thought I'd just pose the questions to see if you decide to include something to address them!
It's been a pleasure reading your story over the semester. I am super impressed by your creativity! Your use of imagery and graphic design is my favorite part of your story. I think that was a huge asset to your project. I like that the titles give us a good idea of what the story is going to be about. Everything is so organized and well written. I was very pleased and impressed! The narrative writing style you used created such a nice flow. I was able to follow along and stay engaged in the story through out the whole time. This was super interesting to read and I enjoyed it! Great job and continue to keep up the good work! Hope you have a great rest of the semester and a great summer!
Hi Brady! On your intro page, you may consider the size/placement of the first picture. Scrolling while reading, I definitely thought the story just...ended... after that first paragraph. On this note, I think you have an extra line between paragraphs, which is just makes the story seem a bit disconnected, in my opinion. If you hit the down arrow next to the "Publish" button, you can "view published site". The way the site looks while editing is often rather different from the way it looks to others, and its always a good idea to see what your audience sees in order to catch little things like that. Also, perhaps consider different titles. Having all three main stories be essentially titled the same doesn't really aid us, the readers. Like they may all be continuations of the same story, but pick a unique element or descriptor for each part. This helps us the readers refer to the parts, because it's easier to remember what happened in each one if they have a unique title to relate them to. It also helps to develop interest because we want to see how x or y ties into the story, so we read on. I hope this helps!
It's been really cool to be able to watch how your storybook project has evolved from the beginning of the semester and throughout the year to culminate in your final storybook project that I'm reading now! The website layout that you've utilized is really interesting and unique. I think it really sets the tone of the storybook and creates a cohesive idea and theme that the stories unify in a very satisfying way. The stories have a lot of detail that make the reader picture the story easily as they read it and the characters are very relatable and interesting, and the way each one develops over time is very cool and rewarding to see.
Hey Brady!
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for sharing this story with us. The first thing that struck me about your story was the uniqueness of the character’s names. All of them were unique, down to the name of the dog. This was really effective! It made me feel as if I was in a different world, and really did a nice job of framing the story as a unique occurrence.
Past this, you did a great job of pacing this story. I didn’t find myself drudging through the intro, or hoping the action would go longer, or feeling it had ended too soon.
You did a great job of showing the boy’s strength and tying that into all aspects of the story. From the wrestling match, to the death of the dog, it all fit well.
All in all, this was a fun story to read. I’m looking forward to what else you’ll write this semester.
Best,
- JD
Brady,
ReplyDeleteI love the effort you've put into your storybook. The images you have on your site are quirky and informative. Just hearing the unique name in the storybook name alone made me think that this won't be just another typical writer. And, your story showed that as well.
I can't think of any major issues or concerns that I have with your story. In regards to constructive feedback, I'd double check the usage of whoever, and see if you should use whomever instead, in the last paragraph. I'm not even entirely sure. Oh, and paragraph splitting is another thing you could tackle too. Personally, it didn't pose an issue to me, as I liked and followed along with the story well, but breaking big paragraphs up can always help. I know your story doesn't have a ton of dialogue, but still, that's something that'd help the reader as they're exploring your story.
Keep up the great work. I hope this helped.
-Lance J.
Hi Brady!
ReplyDeleteYour story was very good! It was creative, and it used a lot of imagery. I am a very competitive person, and I love reading about games in stories. The concept of the hole game was fascinating, and I wonder how the boy was able to keep all those balls out of his hole! That feat alone demonstrated the strength of the boy. I also like how you used foreshadowing to hint that the dog may attack the boy because he is unchained. One note I have for you is within the fourth paragraph. You directly addressed me as the reader by saying, "you may remember," which was an odd storytelling choice. It broke the fourth wall in your story and made me feel dumb as a reader, as if I couldn't make the connection for myself. Also, don't forget your author's note! It really ties the whole story together. I'm excited to read the rest of your stories.
Brady,
ReplyDeleteYour storybook seems really well put together so far! I really enjoyed the more "traditional" diction and storytelling style, and I feel like this stylistic choice really suited the content. The story was easy to follow and detailed enough to easily picture. I loved how the background information on the hound came so organically, from Culann boasting to his dinner guests.
I wonder why the young boy decided to follow the path after he had initially turned the offer down. Perhaps you could expand on his point of view and motivations in a bit more detail? Honestly, that’s one of the only things I could think to recommend. I feel like your story was really well written, and I look forward to hearing more of the adventures of Cu Chulainn! I think that the introduction was brilliantly written because it perfectly sets the reader up to wonder what other incredible things that young boy will be capable of as he grows.
-Kate
Hey Brady, your storybook seems very well-organized, and I can tell you have put some serious effort into the design and layout of the website itself, and I am really excited to get to read more of your work and see how the project develops throughout the rest of the semester. I enjoyed the very mythical and traditional storytelling flow and word choice of what I think reading the Illiad is like. I really loved how you crafted and made the world of the story your own and how you made it very imaginable and real to the reader if they would allow themselves to believe it is real. I also really enjoyed your introduction because it gives the reader a sense of the abilities of the boy, and what kinds of adventures and feats he will be responsible for in the both near and far future. I am also a big fan of the foreshadowing you used to foretell the dog attack by mentioning that he was unchained, which is a great minor detail that I could start using in my own storybook stories to make them more engaging.
ReplyDeleteHi Brady,
ReplyDeleteI had never heard of Cu Chulainn until I read your introduction today. I like that you took an origin story for him and made that your introduction. I'm assuming the rest of your storybook will be tales from Cu Chulainn's story. I would say that at the beginning I was kind of confused as to whether or not Conchobar was going to be a narrator. It seems like in the intro a lot of the story focuses on him and it wasn't until the end I realized who the story was going to be following. I think you did a great job telling the story of the dog's death without being too gruesome. I also think you did a really good job of demonstrating Cu Chulainn's unbelievable strength which I am sure is going to come back into play in the rest of your story. Overall I think you did a really good job and am interested to learn more about Cu Chulainn's story.
Hello, Brady!
ReplyDeleteI really like your writing style and found your story intriguing and fun to read. I am curious about how a boy can be so powerful that he can take on 150 other boys and a huge bloodhound! Perhaps this will be explored or explained later on in the story. Maybe you could also explain why Culann invited Conchobar to his feast in the first place and how Conchobar knew the powerful boy's name (did he possibly hear it while the boy was playing with the others or was he already familiar with the kid?). Also, it might be a good idea to add an author's note, just so people can be more familiar with the original story and how you changed it. Like I said, your writing is really enjoyable to read and I think you did a fantastic job with this story. I am excited to see the other stories you come up with!
Great work!
Hey, Brady!
ReplyDeleteYou've got a super unique vibe to your portfolio -- kind of Conan the Barbarian meets Highlander vibes. It's clear that you've got a really strong understanding of your characters and how they interact with the world that you've set them in.
As a new reader, names of characters can be tough to remember. Dropping into the heat of the action in your story means that there's never a dull moment -- I felt like things were fast-paced the whole way through. That being said, it took me a little bit to comprehend all the different names as they were coming at me. Maybe you could give a little guide to who's who somewhere on your page or provide some info on the different characters on your homepage to prep the reader before they dive in. Tons of books with complex casts do this (e.g. A Song of Ice and Fire) and I find that it really helps me place names with "faces" in the reading.
Hey Brady!
ReplyDeleteThe story of Cuchulain is one of my favorite myths from any place in the world, my love of it being one of the primary reasons I went to study abroad in Ireland. I can see here that you definitely have potential to do the story some modern justice. I really enjoyed how you put the story into more digestible language than how most portray it, but I think the tone you use could be solidified more. In the beginning and end, it feels more fairy tale, but the middle paragraphs feel very informal. The phrase "You may remember" felt condescending in the context of the story, since that key detail was only brought up in the paragraph prior.
One other recommendation I have would be to include a pronunciation guide to your story's characters and places, since old Gaelic names sound so far from how they read. I'm sure most people wouldn't recognize that Conchobar is the origin of the name "Connor" without one.
Hi Brady,
ReplyDeleteThis is such an interesting story; I really want to find out more about it. I also liked the way you've got your portfolio set up. I am completely unfamiliar with the story of Cu Chulainn, but this was a good introduction. Your writing style is really good, and you do a great of capturing the reader's attention not only to the story but the to the project.
Your intro was great, but I feel like since you are jumping into the story straight away, you might want to include an Author's Notes section. I would love to know more about the original story, and also learn about the things that you changed from the original. You can also tell your readers what was your inspiration behind the project or you why like the story.
I look forward to reading more of your storybook project!
Hello, Brady!
ReplyDeleteI must admit, your title really did its job in acting as a hook! I have never heard of Cu Chulainn before, but it sounded interesting. When you paired it with “the relentless rage of”, I just had to click on your Storybook in order to find out more. Based on the background image you have behind the title, I am going to assume that Cu Chulainn is referring to a bull of some sort.
Now that I have read your introduction, let me just say I have realized my previous mistake in assuming that Cu Chulainn was a bull. I am going to be honest here, I did not expect the story to take the turn it did. I cannot help but feel like the child slamming the already brutalized dog against the pillar was a bit of overkill. However, I must admit that you did a good job in describing the scene to the audience.
I am looking forward to reading your first story!
Brady,
ReplyDeleteOne thing first before I forget, would you consider changing "internals" into "entrails" in your introduction? I think it would be a better word for describing the dog's guts!
Your title is great, the perfect amount of "how is that pronounced" to get the reader interested! The way the introduction dives right into it sets up the rest of your site nicely. One thing (and it might just be a personal quirk), but that is a really big cow you have on your banner image. The story seems pretty epic so far, and having a cow staring at me at the top of every chapter kind of gives me a weird vibe.
Your writing style flows very well. The narrative style makes it easy to read and keeps the reader engaged. The layout of your site is fantastic as well. I like the blocking of the text a lot, makes it easy on the eyes. I can tell you put a lot of thought into your project so far, your second chapter is coming along nicely. I will definitely visit back later to see what else you do with this. Great job!
Hi Brady,
ReplyDeleteI have never heard of this story, and I liked all the description you gave when you told it. The game of hole was where I got interested as I have never heard of someone taking on a hundred other people at once for a game. This is where I began to notice something was different about this kid. He obviously has different abilities, but where did they come from? How does a small kid have enough power to kill a dog that quickly? Is there a source for all of these magical abilities of Cu Chulainn and the bull? Expanding more on these points could help flesh out these characters. Something I noticed while going through your storybook was that the link in the top right corner to your first story has a long name. I was not able to read the entire title, and I would suggest shortening the name to help with the presentation of your site. Interesting story!
Brady,
ReplyDeleteGreat job with your second story. I believe this is the only change/addition to your site since the last time I was on it. Reading through it, I had no major issues. What I liked the most was the pacing of it. I like stories that are direct and don’t add a ton of fluff. You’ve done that here with your second story.
A couple things I would recommend taking another look at would be the introduction to Queen Medb and Goddess Morrigan, as well as the transitions from big idea to big idea. When I was first reading it, I went back to your intro to see if there was anything there on Queen Medb. Seeing as she’s the main antagonist, I’m sure the reader would love to hear more about her, her powerful army, etc. For the goddess, if she’s not super important, then don’t worry about that including more on her. Also, making smoother transitions from paragraph to paragraph would help the reader follow along a little better. This could include times, places, more adjectives, etc.
If you can readdress these two areas, I’m sure your story will be even better. Looking forward to the battle portion of this story!
Keep up the great work. I hope this helped.
-Lance J.
Hey Brady!
ReplyDeleteThis is the second time I’ve gotten to look through your stories this semester, and I hope to be able to do so again soon! As for the layout of your storybook website, I think it looks great so far! In particular, I like the header photo. I think it does a really good job of setting the tone for the story below.
As for the content, I have to be completely honest and admit that I’m unfamiliar with the original stories you’re basing your project on. I have really limited exposure there, so I don’t think I can make any helpful suggestions in that regard.
To go back to layout, I think both stories flow well, and I’m especially interested to see what story you add next. I think it was a great choice to break up the second story into a part one and part two!
Best,
-JD
Hi Brady,
ReplyDeleteThis is my second time looking through your project. This time, adhering to week ten goals, I will focus on your design.
Let me just start off by saying that your website has a really good layout. I really like the main background illustration, and having a navigation bar allows users to quickly go between stories. You provide a link to the comment wall in all of your pages. I think it would look more aesthetically pleasing to have the link centered, and make it a button instead of a just a link. I think making a button looks even better than just having hyperlinked text.
As I said, I like the banner illustration that you have. Have you tried experimenting with having different images for each page? I think putting some of the images included in the different pages as the banner for the page instead of having the same image could look a little better. Of course, this is just a matter of style, but maybe you could try and see how it looks. Either way, your website design is fantastic!
Hey howdy Brady!
ReplyDeleteWoah. Right off the bat, your page is so visually enticing. I was drawn in by the banner image immediately, and was excited to get to the first story. So the device of introduction works very well. Then, as I clicked on and read the actual introduction with Culann, I was given a real look at who the main character of the page would be. Culann the smith and his dog were a delightful way to get accustomed with the theme of the page. So when the protagonist ages and the reader is shown another chapter in his life story, the connection with Culann was right there. Just as you must be itching to put the second half of that story on paper, thought you may have already, I can't wait to read it. Especially with the cliffhanger surrounding the armies entrance on the scene. Building the suspense while having the readers wait for the next installment is effective in that now we can be reflecting on our suspicion for what is about to happen. This does a great job of building a personal connection and interest in your stories. Awesome job here
Hi Brady,
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, I want to say I really like your website design. It is similar to my own, pretty basic but with an interesting picture. One thing you might could do to improve it would be to use more or different pictures on each page. I think it would be cool if you could find more pictures similar in color or art to your original picture. Does your source for the first picture have any other pictures you could use?
On your writing.
Wow, what a cool story! I love the fantasy elements of it and your main character is very awesome. Your second story is super cool too, and I think you are doing a great job in setting the story up for a battle. Your story is kind of grim, perhaps this could be inspiration for finding more images? I do like the one you included in the second story, but what if you found a picture that hinted at what was to come in each segment, and made it the head picture? I think that would be cool, but I understand if you can't find anything like that.
Good job!
Hey Brady!
ReplyDeleteOne thing that I found really striking about your story is that you give enough background that the reader doesn't feel confused, but so little that it implies the reader already knows what and where Ulster is! That's a really impressive balance. My first impression was that this could be a common story told to children by grandparents - it starts out really sweet but gets gnarly fast.
I want to know more about this kid! How did he get so strong? Why is he so violent?
I think it would be helpful in the second story to have something other than the author's note to indicate that the story is only halfway done. A simple "to be continued..." would do the trick! Or maybe a sneaky hint at the contents of the next story, like, "the battle would soon take a shocking turn" or something to that effect.
Great work on this one!
Hey Brady,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading your story. Your website was well organized and easy to navigate. The pictures really fit in with everything as well and helped set the theme for the rest of it. I loved how you jumped straight in during your introduction by starting your story and showing off your characters. It was very well written and captivated my attention.
For your next part, I did wonder what Cu Chulainn thought of Medb. It sounds like they didn't get along from the very beginning. After all, he told her he was going to throw a rock at her and then did exactly that. Was he surprised that she sent her soldiers after the bull? Is he prepared to fight everyone by himself or does he have help? I am eager to find out. The only advice I would offer would be to perhaps have more dialog or go into detail a bit more with each of your characters.
Other than that, I liked it and I will be back to see what happens next.
-Elyse
Hey there Brady!
ReplyDeleteThese were such great reads so far in your series of stories. I really do enjoy how you have taken your stories and tied them through this topic that you chose. The titles of each story do a really good job of telling the reader wat it may be about. On top of this, your portfolio is very organized and easy for the reader to navigate. In all of your stories you did a great job at grabbing the reader’s attention and really captivating them throughout the story. You did a really great job with each of the reading notes, since I had never read the stories before, these notes really allowed me to see where you were coming from with your creation of the different stories. I really liked the images that you chose to use for each story, I think each of them almost told a little bit of the story themselves and really had a key part in each story.
Brady,
ReplyDeleteIt's been a joy to read your storybook thus far this semester. As it comes to a close here soon, I hope to finish reading the rest of your story on your storybook in the next couple weeks!
To start, I enjoyed the graphic details you included. It came naturally from you, and made sense coming from the formidable Cu Chulainn. I love stories that focus more on the battles/duels, and your story delivered.
Thinking about its implications, could Medb and her troops last 100 days, in regards to food and supplies? Is Cu Chulainn the type of warrior to stick to his word of slaying only one person of Medb's army a day? These are just a couple things that came to my mind. I'm sure it being a myth can account for these things, but I thought I'd just pose the questions to see if you decide to include something to address them!
Overall, great job!
-Lance J.
Hey Brady!
ReplyDeleteIt's been a pleasure reading your story over the semester. I am super impressed by your creativity! Your use of imagery and graphic design is my favorite part of your story. I think that was a huge asset to your project. I like that the titles give us a good idea of what the story is going to be about. Everything is so organized and well written. I was very pleased and impressed! The narrative writing style you used created such a nice flow. I was able to follow along and stay engaged in the story through out the whole time. This was super interesting to read and I enjoyed it! Great job and continue to keep up the good work! Hope you have a great rest of the semester and a great summer!
Hi Brady!
ReplyDeleteOn your intro page, you may consider the size/placement of the first picture. Scrolling while reading, I definitely thought the story just...ended... after that first paragraph. On this note, I think you have an extra line between paragraphs, which is just makes the story seem a bit disconnected, in my opinion. If you hit the down arrow next to the "Publish" button, you can "view published site". The way the site looks while editing is often rather different from the way it looks to others, and its always a good idea to see what your audience sees in order to catch little things like that. Also, perhaps consider different titles. Having all three main stories be essentially titled the same doesn't really aid us, the readers. Like they may all be continuations of the same story, but pick a unique element or descriptor for each part. This helps us the readers refer to the parts, because it's easier to remember what happened in each one if they have a unique title to relate them to. It also helps to develop interest because we want to see how x or y ties into the story, so we read on. I hope this helps!
Hey Brady,
ReplyDeleteIt's been really cool to be able to watch how your storybook project has evolved from the beginning of the semester and throughout the year to culminate in your final storybook project that I'm reading now! The website layout that you've utilized is really interesting and unique. I think it really sets the tone of the storybook and creates a cohesive idea and theme that the stories unify in a very satisfying way. The stories have a lot of detail that make the reader picture the story easily as they read it and the characters are very relatable and interesting, and the way each one develops over time is very cool and rewarding to see.